Do more than just talk; act. Do more than just promise; deliver. – Steve Maraboli
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Do more than just talk; act. Do more than just promise; deliver. – Steve Maraboli
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Stay patient and trust your journey.
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Life is short. Do stuff that matters. – Siqi Chen
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Just say yes and you’ll figure it out afterwards. – Tina Fey
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Are you praising your child too much? Is there a risk that he or she might become a narcissist? According to some studies, this is what happens when parents tend to go overboard with their praise. Parents may think that they are building the child’s self-esteem but that is not borne out by the studies. But the right kind of praise can be powerful for motivating kids. Here are 8 things to keep in mind when you want to praise your kids so that they grow up with a healthy self-esteem.
“People with high self-esteem think they’re as good as others, whereas narcissists think they’re better than others.”- Brad Bushman (co-author of the above study).
Telling your kid that she is a clever girl or that he has done a great job is risky. You need to be more specific. Focus on the effort she put into it. Your kid’s team may not have won the match but you were really impressed with the effort he put in. He played well and that was also because he practised a lot. It is better to say, “Your practice paid off because I saw you hitting that ball really hard.” This is much better than making a rather weak, “Pity your team lost.” This is focusing on the negative outcome and not making any reference to all the hard work and sweat.
It was a difficult job and the kid did well so that deserves praise. If you praise the child for every little mundane task, then this is counterproductive and may not sound sincere. The danger here is that the child may not risk trying new challenges because she may fail and she may lose her champion status! There is another problem in that the child must always get the parent’s approval and this is very limiting.
Money may be a motivator but if the child grows up thinking that life is like the stock exchange, we are missing out on instilling values such as gains in self-esteem following success. Also, this could become expensive if cash is the only reward for doing well! A much better idea is to celebrate with a treat, outing or a special meal because you are also sharing in the success. It is the hard work and persistence we want to reward, rather than making easy cash.
Praising a child’s good looks, intelligence or artistic ability on a regular basis is really overdoing it. If the child always hears “You’re a born musician”, then he or she assumes that not much effort is needed to improve. The child may also tune it out because it has been repeated too often. It becomes meaningless.
The aim of praise is to encourage and motivate towards achieving new goals and milestones. One of the best ways of doing this is to mark steps in progress. You can say, “You’ve really improved in Math since last semester. You should be proud of that.” You can then remind your kid of the next hurdle which may be another test or exam.
If your child hears you bragging about his or her achievements (Isn’t Maria the best speller you’ve ever seen?”), it puts unnecessary pressure on your kid to be always the best, always at the top of the class. That can be negative and also creates an over competitive environment among children. Inevitably, they will sometimes fail or do less well and that may have a negative effect on their motivation. In addition, the child is lulled into a false sense of security which defeats the learning benefits of praise.
Often, verbal praise may be inappropriate and may interrupt some activities. Giving kids a thumbs up while they are picking up is much better because you are not going to interrupt the job. When a child is concentrating on her reading and being really absorbed, you can pat her on the back or give her a gentle hug.
If you use sarcastic remarks which are supposed to be praise, they are pretty useless. First, the child does not understand sarcasm and may also resent the fact that you are harping on about his or her previous failings or unsuccessful efforts. Instead of saying, “Finally, you have learned to swim without the arm bands,” you should say “I bet you can’t wait to show your friends that you can now swim.” Always concentrate on the achievement and celebrate it with an appropriate remark. This is much better than reminding them of their past errors or failures.
As we have seen, making praise constructive is the key. Keep focusing on the effort and commitment your kids show. They will grow up much more independent and resourceful and also have a healthy self-esteem.
Featured photo credit: Nate swimming/Mike Young via flickr.com
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At a time when technology and innovations have really taken charge, there exists a gap in communication between students and teachers. All teachers have once been students, and many times they want to help and be more effective. Teaching is not a rosy job. Sometimes you have to confront the difficulties that arise in the learning process.
So to save you all the time and effort this article will tell you 15 things students want from their teachers. As parents, this could be a rich source of understanding your kids better. As students, this will serve as a voice of your expectations.
Students have proactive and exuberant minds; they want a class that is active and can provide a shared responsibility for learning.
Students want a teacher who loves his or her job. They can tell if a teacher doesn’t want to be there with them. Being enthusiastic about teaching and showing they love their subjects can be an exciting factor to students.
The teacher has to show a positive attitude to ensuring the child learns what their teaching. It could take more explanation, patience and guidance. The focus should be on the child to learn.
Students are very watchful and most times they are attentive to your actions as a teacher. They want to know you are the right person to offer direction in their class. By admitting your mistakes, you prove to them that you are human and honest about who you are.
Excessive lecturing can take them away from the essence of the class – teaching. Students want to be taught and not lectured. It shouldn’t be about reading off a PowerPoint. Teachers should try to tell stories or offer examples that will capture their imaginative minds.
Respect is reciprocal. To earn the respect of the student, students want someone who is approachable, positive and nice.
It is important to appreciate any effort that the student makes. By commending them, showing appreciation or encouraging them you show that you value their time and whatever effort they are putting in to learning.
You are not the salesman in car dealership; you are not the politician requesting for their votes; you are their teacher. You should focus on the assignment you are tasked to do for them.
Challenging students means you are showing them and guiding them how to handle it. Whether it is a class project or assignment, challenge them to get their work done.
Whatever you are trying to impact may take time. So offer them the time and space for things to sink in. Time to think, reflect, play and process.
Students want to know that the teacher has his eye on him or her. Try leaving special messages in their locker or make a quick comment that shows you notice them.
Let them ask questions; let them be able to share their perspectives on a subject. Even if they are off topic, just give them a chance to share their thoughts.
The school is not a scene out of the movie Matilda or marine camp. Students like teachers who are calm and who are easy to get along with.
They want teachers who can build on a teacher/student relationship. This means understanding them and this may take time and effort to get to know who they really are.
Students do not like a teacher who favors certain students over them. They want a teacher who can manage his or her class and show that he/she is the captain of the ship.
It is important that you also know that we all have a responsibility to make a positive impact in a child’s life regardless of whether we are a teacher or not.
Featured photo credit: www.pixabay.com via pixabay.com
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Real men stay faithful. They don’t have time to look for other women because they’re too busy looking for new ways to love their own.
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